Shady Shepherd Tactics: Delivering You From Spirit Spouses

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Here’s how it works in the world of Christian deliverance ministries.  First, you pick an issue that a ton of humans struggle with.  The juicier the issue is, the better. You want to go for a problem that frequently results in shame, heartache, or embarrassment.  Once you pick the issue, you then go on to the next step: demonize it.  Here’s where you make up some cockamamie story about how anyone who struggles with this issue only struggles with it because they’ve become some pawn of evil forces which are out to get them.  If you’re not an imaginative person, then borrow from the pagans, because they’ve got spiritually terrorizing people down to an art.  Once you’ve come up with a nice horrifying explanation for why people struggle with the issue you’ve picked, then you set up shop on the internet or in a church and you wait for a nice vulnerable victim to come stumbling into your lair.  You want someone who shows signs of being distressed, broken, or traumatized.  The more wounded they are, the more desperate they are, and the more likely they’ll be to believe whatever you tell them.  Here’s where you unleash your horror story on them about how the problems they are telling you about are sure indicators that they are in some great spiritual crisis.  And once you’ve successfully convinced them that they are helplessly locked in the clutches of some super powerful, super evil entity, you magnanimously offer to deliver them.  Isn’t that nice of you? Continue reading

Numerology, Gematria & Bible Codes: Being Stupid with Numbers

AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

Here’s how it works in the world of numerology.  First, you pick a number—any number.  Then you randomly pluck some concept out of the air that you want to associate with that number.  For example, you might decide that the number 4 represents healing.  Once you accept your own baloney as truth, then you start peddling it to other people.  So when your friend Judy finds out that she has a terminal illness and she comes to you for help, you say something like, “Take heart, Judy.  I’m sure you’ll be healed.  Look: four ducks are swimming in the pond, and four is the number of healing.  Clearly those ducks are a sign from God telling you that He’s promising to give you total healing.”  This is the kind of moron you turn into when you go down the road of numerology. Continue reading

Exorcism Q&A


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What people call demonic possession is a case of demons gaining temporary control over someone’s earthsuit.  Your earthsuit is the miraculous machine that you see when you look into a mirror.  It has three main components: a brain (which is like the computer that runs the whole thing), a body, and emotions.  When demons possess your earthsuit, they can force your earthsuit to do things that you don’t want it to do.

Your earthsuit and your soul are two entirely separate entities.  If you think of your earthsuit like a car, then your soul is the man driving the car.  While the driver is not the car, he will feel very upset if the car starts malfunctioning.  Continue reading