The Pursuit of God

Serious Topics for Serious Christians

Category Archives: Struggles with Perversion

Real Help for Sex-Starved Christians

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If you skip a meal, your stomach will start grumbling and you’ll probably get rather cranky.  If you keep skipping meals, you’re going to start obsessing over food.  The hungrier you become, the less you will care about the quality of what you eat and the more delicious garbage foods will taste to you.

We can find this same pattern applying to another major appetite that the human body has: its appetite for sex.  Humans vary quite a bit in their desire for sex.  Some of us never want it.  Others of us want it all the time.  Some of us can take or leave it.  Some of us are feeling so starved that we’re obsessing.  Just as being starved for food will cause you to readily ingest foods that are bad for your physical health, being starved for sex will cause you to readily participate in sexually arousing activities which are bad for your physical and psychological health.  Watching porn, for example, has a very detrimental effect on humans. The same is true for many forms of sexual activities, such as BDSM, orgies, rape, and molestation.  But the fact remains that once we become overwhelmed by the need for sexual release, our fear of being harmed drops out of the equation, and we find ourselves charging into all kinds of self-harming activities. Read more of this post

Understanding God’s Definition of Success: Encouragement for Chronic Sinners

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Among Christians, the folks who practice constant repentance tend to be those who shouldn’t be repenting at all.  In other words, they’re overdoing it.  They’re claiming responsibility for soul attitudes that they don’t even have and they are striving to appease a God who isn’t even upset with them.  As harmless as this might sound, it’s actually very damaging to your relationship with God for you to be constantly assuming that He’s irritated with you when He’s not. You simply can’t develop the kind of relaxed confidence that God wants you to have when you’re always projecting anger onto Him that He’s not even feeling towards you.  The purpose of this post is to help you get better at recognizing when you are in a good place with God. Read more of this post

Symbolic Genders: Understanding Trauma Driven Homosexuality

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The topic of homosexuality has been so badly handled by the Christian community that all you have to do is use the words “gay” and “God” in the same sentence and everyone gets ready for war.  In this post, we’re going to discuss a very common way that people become sexually attracted to their own gender.  If you’re all caught up in gay pride and you just love being gay, then don’t bother with this post because it won’t help you.  This post is only going to be useful for folks who are feeling distressed by their homosexual desires and wondering how they got where they are.  Read more of this post

Understanding Your Perverse Fantasies: A Sign of Stress, Not Defectiveness

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AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

There’s a widespread belief among Christians that if a man’s spiritual priorities were in the right order, he wouldn’t have certain kinds of thoughts, he wouldn’t be hooked on porn, and he wouldn’t have certain nasty desires welling up within him 24/7.  And yet the truth is that a man can have excellent priorities and be embracing all the right soul attitudes while he is being plagued with some very dark mental fantasies.  The psychological principles we’re going to discuss in this post can be very helpful to anyone who is feeling tormented with perverse fantasies of any kind.  When you’re obsessing over certain kinds of themes, you can easily end up shunned by both the mainstream Christian community as well as the world at large.  Happily neither of these human groups are accurately conveying God’s assessment of you.  And once you understand a few basic principles about where perverse fantasies come from, you can stop treating yourself like a worm and become more receptive to the compassion and help God is offering you. Read more of this post

Are all sexual perverts going to Hell?

Are all sexual perverts going to Hell?

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There is something about the mention of sexual sins in the New Testament that triggers a selective memory response in Christians. We know there are certain verses which specifically say that all sexual perverts will go to Hell and we like to refer to them whenever the topic comes up. We don’t recite the actual verses, we just say something general like “God says all perverts will go to Hell.” We do this because we have forgotten what the verses really say. If we remembered them accurately, we’d stop quoting them so often because when they’re isolated from the rest of Scripture, these verses actually say that we are all going to Hell. Read more of this post

Cultivating Submission: Why God Wants You to Hate His Moral Code

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God has a moral code.  Because He is the Supreme Authority, He demands that we align with His moral code.  We don’t like His moral code, thus a conflict is created.

So why don’t we like God’s moral code?  Because He has intentionally designed us not to like it.  Now maybe you’re thinking, “Hey, I don’t have a problem with God’s moral code.”  This is called denial.  You actually have an enormous problem with God’s moral code, because what God basically says is that who you naturally are is bad.  Not just a little bad—really bad.  There’s no human on the planet who isn’t bothered by this kind of judgment.  We’re so bothered by it, that we try not to face it by being very selective about which parts of God’s moral code we will recognize.  For example, we say, “God says that murder is bad.  I agree, and I don’t murder, so there’s no conflict between God and I.”  Ah, but God’s moral code is far more extensive than this.  The reality is that every human has a long list of innate qualities, desires, and characteristics which God says are bad.  So what does this mean?  It means we’ve got a God who sounds like He is rejecting us for things that we can’t help.  Well, who wants a God like that?  Here’s where the mass stampede away from God begins as many souls say, “Why should I submit to a jerk like that?  If God is so impossible to please, who needs Him?”  Read more of this post

Misdirected Sex Drive: Why do I feel aroused by inappropriate targets?

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We use the term sexual target to define what turns you on sexually. The world is full of potential targets, but God puts out a very narrow definition of what appropriate targets are. For men, women are the only appropriate targets. But not just any women. God says you’re not supposed to be lusting after some other man’s wife or little girls or your mother. The list goes on and on, and there are similar restrictions for women. Women are supposed to be sexually aroused by men. Not little boys, not their friend’s boyfriends, not their grandfathers—you get the idea. God is a real stickler when it comes to defining morally acceptable sexual desires and activities, and then He slaps the label of perverse onto anything that falls outside of the morally acceptable zone. Well, now what? Read more of this post

The Great Gift of Sin: Why Our Depravity Gives Us Hope

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Ever feel confused about the topic of sin? You should, because it is confusing. Ever feel like God is impossible to please? It’s only natural to arrive at that conclusion once you understand a few things about how He defines sin. In this post, we’re going to sort out the confusion that leads to you feeling depressed and hopeless about ever being good enough in God’s eyes and help you understand how easy He is to succeed with. We’ll also learn why salvation is a permanent deal, and not some flimsy thing that you have to worry about losing through bad behavior.

In the Church today, various Christian denominations take drastically different stands on the subjects of sin and salvation. Some insist that it’s possible for you to be sinless. Many teach that unless you continuously strive and strain to be good, God will revoke your salvation and disown you. Cruise around the internet and you’ll find some very hostile language getting used on both sides as everyone insists that their views are right and everyone else is speaking for Satan. If Christian leaders can’t agree with each other on such essential theology, how can you ever hope to find peace yourself? How can you ever gain a confident understanding about what God requires of you and when He’s pleased with you? The answer’s simple: you need to talk to God directly. Read more of this post

God & Monsters: Hope for Sex Offenders, Sadists & Other Hated Abusers

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This post is speaking to a very specific audience. If you are not struggling with an intense desire to hurt or degrade others, this is not recommended reading.

Maybe you molest kids. Maybe you beat your family members. Maybe you feel intensely addicted to seeing people writhing in pain. Maybe you can’t get a sexual high unless someone is being degraded. Whatever form your dark impulses take, once you find yourself hopelessly tangled up in them, it is so easy to give up on hope and surrender yourself to some condemning label. Creep. Pervert. Monster. Sick and twisted. Animal. We can come up with all kinds of labels, but what does this really accomplish? The reality is that you weren’t born this way. This is a destination that you have arrived at for very logical reasons. You aren’t just “screwed up”. There are reasons for what you do, and if you really understood them, you’d find them surprisingly rational. Read more of this post

Brain-Soul Mechanics: Why God Doesn’t Expect You to Have Pure Thoughts

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It’s not possible for you to only think pure thoughts. If you make this your goal in life, you’ll end up burned out, beat down, and utterly discouraged. You can take that whole “take every thought captive to Christ” routine and chuck it in the wastebasket. Your thoughts are not soldiers who you can capture and confine. They’re more like ocean waves that keep rolling in no matter what you do.

God doesn’t expect you to keep your thought life pure because God is a reasonable and gracious Creator who doesn’t command His creatures to pull off feats which He knows He hasn’t equipped them for. To honor God with your thoughts, you would have to be able to control your thoughts, and that is something which is entirely out of your reach. Read more of this post