The Pursuit of God

Serious Topics for Serious Christians

Category Archives: Pedophiles/Molesters

Pedophiles vs. Child Molesters: Understanding the Difference

186

AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

To say that all pedophiles are child molesters is like saying all straights are rapists.  Pedophilia is a sexual orientation.  Molestation is a form of sexual assault.  Being sexually attracted to children is not at all the same as wanting to assault them.

UNDERSTANDING PEDOPHILES

While many gays and straights like to publicly broadcast their sexual preferences, pedophiles tend to keep their private feelings about sex to themselves.  What’s wrong with that?  It’s hardly classy or appropriate to dump your hormonal viewpoints and urges all over the world wide web.  A straight man who tells the world how he is lusting after his female coworker is behaving quite immaturely.  People who post pictures and videos of themselves being physically intimate with their lovers are just cheapening something which is meant to be cherished.  Our personal sexual desires are not things we should be waving about like flags.  So the fact that a pedophile doesn’t walk down the street saying, “Hey, everyone, I’m really turned on by kids,” hardly makes that man a creep.  Instead, he’s modeling a level of self-restraint that we could all use to imitate.  Read more of this post

Understanding Your Perverse Fantasies: A Sign of Stress, Not Defectiveness

242

AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

There’s a widespread belief among Christians that if a man’s spiritual priorities were in the right order, he wouldn’t have certain kinds of thoughts, he wouldn’t be hooked on porn, and he wouldn’t have certain nasty desires welling up within him 24/7.  And yet the truth is that a man can have excellent priorities and be embracing all the right soul attitudes while he is being plagued with some very dark mental fantasies.  The psychological principles we’re going to discuss in this post can be very helpful to anyone who is feeling tormented with perverse fantasies of any kind.  When you’re obsessing over certain kinds of themes, you can easily end up shunned by both the mainstream Christian community as well as the world at large.  Happily neither of these human groups are accurately conveying God’s assessment of you.  And once you understand a few basic principles about where perverse fantasies come from, you can stop treating yourself like a worm and become more receptive to the compassion and help God is offering you. Read more of this post

Are all sexual perverts going to Hell?

Are all sexual perverts going to Hell?

AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

There is something about the mention of sexual sins in the New Testament that triggers a selective memory response in Christians. We know there are certain verses which specifically say that all sexual perverts will go to Hell and we like to refer to them whenever the topic comes up. We don’t recite the actual verses, we just say something general like “God says all perverts will go to Hell.” We do this because we have forgotten what the verses really say. If we remembered them accurately, we’d stop quoting them so often because when they’re isolated from the rest of Scripture, these verses actually say that we are all going to Hell. Read more of this post

Broken to Thrive: Help & Hope for Pedophiles

164

AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

CAUTION: Due to the nature of the subject being discussed, this article contains some graphic descriptions.

In our zeal to protect children from abuse, we have made it enormously difficult for their would-be abusers to get the help they need to not abuse.  This is demonstrated most clearly in the counseling office.  If you’re cheating on your wife, you can talk about that with your therapist and get help and empathy without the fear of being ratted on.  But if you’re battling with a desire to molest your daughter, well, then there are laws which say you have to be reported to the authorities.  Well, who is going to open up to a counselor under these conditions?  Do you want to talk about your most shameful secrets while someone is thrusting a mic in your face?  Of course not.  If you can’t talk to anyone without the risk of getting publicly ostracized, then you’re not going to talk—that’s basic human nature.  So now we’ve got a whole bunch of pedophiles slinking around in the shadows with no one they can talk to and plenty of them don’t even understand how they got the way that they are.  Well, this is a mess.  Pedophiles aren’t subhuman lifeforms, they are humans who are struggling with an issue that was thrust upon them through no choice of their own.  Read more of this post

Help for Sex Addicts: Understanding Symbolic Sex

125

AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

So, how’s your sex life going? Are you even supposed to be having a sex life right now? Most sex addicts are not. When we are addicted to sex, we can’t scrape up the self-control needed to fuss around with things like real love and marital commitment. We feel an overwhelming need to keep that intercourse coming, which is why many of us are mowing our way through a long list of sexual partners. We’re not in it for the relationship, we’re in it for the sex. Some of us will put some effort into the relationship in order to make it last so we can put off the trouble of having to find a new partner. But others of us couldn’t care less about the relationship.

Let’s talk about your sexual style. Perhaps you are the woman who just can’t wait to tear her clothes off and thrust herself into any available pair of male arms. Or perhaps you are the guy who is addicted to rape. Your favorite prowling ground is party scenes where you can get your victims looped on drugs and then have your way with them. Sexual addictions come in a wide variety of forms, and yet the irony is that when we’re this crazed for sex, it’s really not about the sex anymore. For sex addicts, sex has become a symbol of something else, and that something else is what they’re really after. The first step in healing from your addiction is to identify what it is that sex symbolizes for you. Read more of this post

Misdirected Sex Drive: Why do I feel aroused by inappropriate targets?

124

AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

We use the term sexual target to define what turns you on sexually. The world is full of potential targets, but God puts out a very narrow definition of what appropriate targets are. For men, women are the only appropriate targets. But not just any women. God says you’re not supposed to be lusting after some other man’s wife or little girls or your mother. The list goes on and on, and there are similar restrictions for women. Women are supposed to be sexually aroused by men. Not little boys, not their friend’s boyfriends, not their grandfathers—you get the idea. God is a real stickler when it comes to defining morally acceptable sexual desires and activities, and then He slaps the label of perverse onto anything that falls outside of the morally acceptable zone. Well, now what? Read more of this post

Repentant Sinners: Is it wrong to stop feeling bad about the past?

86

AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

Let’s say you do something bad—really bad. You knew better, and you had plenty of resources to resist the temptation, but it was one of those moments where you just said, “Shut up, God, I’m doing this.” So you did it. And it was bad. And now some other people are really messed up because of what you did. But then you reached the point of sincere repentance. You stopped with the rebellion and you are now back in alignment with God, sincerely wanting Him to have His way in your life. There are now consequences for what you did in your life and in the lives of others. And in the midst of those consequences, you feel really terrible. You just feel perpetually awful about what you did. Well, isn’t this how you’re supposed to feel? After all, you sinned intentionally. So if you did something super bad, isn’t there supposed to be some limit to how joyful you can ever be after that? If you just go skipping forth in joyous freedom, isn’t that another form of sin? This is what many Christians believe: they think that once someone does something bad enough, it’s wrong for that person to ever make a full recovery, let alone soar to epic heights of soul peace and freedom. Well, what does God say? Read more of this post

Why We Help the People You Hate

85

AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

This is not your typical Christian website. We don’t just regurgitate popular jingles in the Church, we don’t jump onboard with every passing Christian trend, and we don’t encourage you to believe lies about God just because we know it’s what you want to hear. We teach you the truth, regardless of how popular it is, because only by embracing the truth will you thrive in your own relationship with God.

Now there are a lot of truths which people don’t want to hear for various reasons. There are also a lot of truths which are intentionally left unsaid by Christians because Christians are humans and humans are not fans of doling out mercy to those they don’t like. Instead, we like to pretend that God’s grace is only for nice people like ourselves, not for those scumbags over there. Such a mentality results in certain groups of souls being taught that they are unwanted by God. We all have sympathy for the victim of molestation, but the molester himself gets nothing but hate. We mourn and cry over the poor child who was gunned down at school, but we get darn mad if anyone implies the creep who shot the kid is still loved by God. Well, the truth is that God loves all souls. Read more of this post

Overcoming Shame

68

AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

When humans feel deeply ashamed, their instinctive response is to separate and isolate themselves from all others. Often physical isolation isn’t practical. You have to go to work to pay the bills. You have a spouse and kids living in your home. But though you feel forced to physically be around other people, you can still emotionally isolate yourself by refusing to engage. Your wife asks what’s wrong and you give her that indifferent shrug. When she presses you, you stonewall her with, “I’m fine,” or “I don’t want to talk about it.” And for the person drowning in shame, talking about their misery does seem pointless. After all, words can’t change the past. No, they can’t, but they can save your present and future, and that is far more important. Read more of this post

God & Monsters: Hope for Sex Offenders, Sadists & Other Hated Abusers

21

AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

This post is speaking to a very specific audience. If you are not struggling with an intense desire to hurt or degrade others, this is not recommended reading.

Maybe you molest kids. Maybe you beat your family members. Maybe you feel intensely addicted to seeing people writhing in pain. Maybe you can’t get a sexual high unless someone is being degraded. Whatever form your dark impulses take, once you find yourself hopelessly tangled up in them, it is so easy to give up on hope and surrender yourself to some condemning label. Creep. Pervert. Monster. Sick and twisted. Animal. We can come up with all kinds of labels, but what does this really accomplish? The reality is that you weren’t born this way. This is a destination that you have arrived at for very logical reasons. You aren’t just “screwed up”. There are reasons for what you do, and if you really understood them, you’d find them surprisingly rational. Read more of this post