The Pursuit of God

Serious Topics for Serious Christians

Category Archives: Sex Related Issues

Real Help for Sex-Starved Christians

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If you skip a meal, your stomach will start grumbling and you’ll probably get rather cranky.  If you keep skipping meals, you’re going to start obsessing over food.  The hungrier you become, the less you will care about the quality of what you eat and the more delicious garbage foods will taste to you.

We can find this same pattern applying to another major appetite that the human body has: its appetite for sex.  Humans vary quite a bit in their desire for sex.  Some of us never want it.  Others of us want it all the time.  Some of us can take or leave it.  Some of us are feeling so starved that we’re obsessing.  Just as being starved for food will cause you to readily ingest foods that are bad for your physical health, being starved for sex will cause you to readily participate in sexually arousing activities which are bad for your physical and psychological health.  Watching porn, for example, has a very detrimental effect on humans. The same is true for many forms of sexual activities, such as BDSM, orgies, rape, and molestation.  But the fact remains that once we become overwhelmed by the need for sexual release, our fear of being harmed drops out of the equation, and we find ourselves charging into all kinds of self-harming activities. Read more of this post

Understanding God’s Definition of Success: Encouragement for Chronic Sinners

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Among Christians, the folks who practice constant repentance tend to be those who shouldn’t be repenting at all.  In other words, they’re overdoing it.  They’re claiming responsibility for soul attitudes that they don’t even have and they are striving to appease a God who isn’t even upset with them.  As harmless as this might sound, it’s actually very damaging to your relationship with God for you to be constantly assuming that He’s irritated with you when He’s not. You simply can’t develop the kind of relaxed confidence that God wants you to have when you’re always projecting anger onto Him that He’s not even feeling towards you.  The purpose of this post is to help you get better at recognizing when you are in a good place with God. Read more of this post

Pedophiles vs. Child Molesters: Understanding the Difference

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To say that all pedophiles are child molesters is like saying all straights are rapists.  Pedophilia is a sexual orientation.  Molestation is a form of sexual assault.  Being sexually attracted to children is not at all the same as wanting to assault them.

UNDERSTANDING PEDOPHILES

While many gays and straights like to publicly broadcast their sexual preferences, pedophiles tend to keep their private feelings about sex to themselves.  What’s wrong with that?  It’s hardly classy or appropriate to dump your hormonal viewpoints and urges all over the world wide web.  A straight man who tells the world how he is lusting after his female coworker is behaving quite immaturely.  People who post pictures and videos of themselves being physically intimate with their lovers are just cheapening something which is meant to be cherished.  Our personal sexual desires are not things we should be waving about like flags.  So the fact that a pedophile doesn’t walk down the street saying, “Hey, everyone, I’m really turned on by kids,” hardly makes that man a creep.  Instead, he’s modeling a level of self-restraint that we could all use to imitate.  Read more of this post

Symbolic Genders: Understanding Trauma Driven Homosexuality

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The topic of homosexuality has been so badly handled by the Christian community that all you have to do is use the words “gay” and “God” in the same sentence and everyone gets ready for war.  In this post, we’re going to discuss a very common way that people become sexually attracted to their own gender.  If you’re all caught up in gay pride and you just love being gay, then don’t bother with this post because it won’t help you.  This post is only going to be useful for folks who are feeling distressed by their homosexual desires and wondering how they got where they are.  Read more of this post

Understanding Your Perverse Fantasies: A Sign of Stress, Not Defectiveness

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There’s a widespread belief among Christians that if a man’s spiritual priorities were in the right order, he wouldn’t have certain kinds of thoughts, he wouldn’t be hooked on porn, and he wouldn’t have certain nasty desires welling up within him 24/7.  And yet the truth is that a man can have excellent priorities and be embracing all the right soul attitudes while he is being plagued with some very dark mental fantasies.  The psychological principles we’re going to discuss in this post can be very helpful to anyone who is feeling tormented with perverse fantasies of any kind.  When you’re obsessing over certain kinds of themes, you can easily end up shunned by both the mainstream Christian community as well as the world at large.  Happily neither of these human groups are accurately conveying God’s assessment of you.  And once you understand a few basic principles about where perverse fantasies come from, you can stop treating yourself like a worm and become more receptive to the compassion and help God is offering you. Read more of this post

Are all sexual perverts going to Hell?

Are all sexual perverts going to Hell?

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There is something about the mention of sexual sins in the New Testament that triggers a selective memory response in Christians. We know there are certain verses which specifically say that all sexual perverts will go to Hell and we like to refer to them whenever the topic comes up. We don’t recite the actual verses, we just say something general like “God says all perverts will go to Hell.” We do this because we have forgotten what the verses really say. If we remembered them accurately, we’d stop quoting them so often because when they’re isolated from the rest of Scripture, these verses actually say that we are all going to Hell. Read more of this post

Cultivating Submission: Why God Wants You to Hate His Moral Code

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God has a moral code.  Because He is the Supreme Authority, He demands that we align with His moral code.  We don’t like His moral code, thus a conflict is created.

So why don’t we like God’s moral code?  Because He has intentionally designed us not to like it.  Now maybe you’re thinking, “Hey, I don’t have a problem with God’s moral code.”  This is called denial.  You actually have an enormous problem with God’s moral code, because what God basically says is that who you naturally are is bad.  Not just a little bad—really bad.  There’s no human on the planet who isn’t bothered by this kind of judgment.  We’re so bothered by it, that we try not to face it by being very selective about which parts of God’s moral code we will recognize.  For example, we say, “God says that murder is bad.  I agree, and I don’t murder, so there’s no conflict between God and I.”  Ah, but God’s moral code is far more extensive than this.  The reality is that every human has a long list of innate qualities, desires, and characteristics which God says are bad.  So what does this mean?  It means we’ve got a God who sounds like He is rejecting us for things that we can’t help.  Well, who wants a God like that?  Here’s where the mass stampede away from God begins as many souls say, “Why should I submit to a jerk like that?  If God is so impossible to please, who needs Him?”  Read more of this post

Broken to Thrive: Help & Hope for Pedophiles

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CAUTION: Due to the nature of the subject being discussed, this article contains some graphic descriptions.

In our zeal to protect children from abuse, we have made it enormously difficult for their would-be abusers to get the help they need to not abuse.  This is demonstrated most clearly in the counseling office.  If you’re cheating on your wife, you can talk about that with your therapist and get help and empathy without the fear of being ratted on.  But if you’re battling with a desire to molest your daughter, well, then there are laws which say you have to be reported to the authorities.  Well, who is going to open up to a counselor under these conditions?  Do you want to talk about your most shameful secrets while someone is thrusting a mic in your face?  Of course not.  If you can’t talk to anyone without the risk of getting publicly ostracized, then you’re not going to talk—that’s basic human nature.  So now we’ve got a whole bunch of pedophiles slinking around in the shadows with no one they can talk to and plenty of them don’t even understand how they got the way that they are.  Well, this is a mess.  Pedophiles aren’t subhuman lifeforms, they are humans who are struggling with an issue that was thrust upon them through no choice of their own.  Read more of this post

Help for Sex Addicts: Understanding Symbolic Sex

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So, how’s your sex life going? Are you even supposed to be having a sex life right now? Most sex addicts are not. When we are addicted to sex, we can’t scrape up the self-control needed to fuss around with things like real love and marital commitment. We feel an overwhelming need to keep that intercourse coming, which is why many of us are mowing our way through a long list of sexual partners. We’re not in it for the relationship, we’re in it for the sex. Some of us will put some effort into the relationship in order to make it last so we can put off the trouble of having to find a new partner. But others of us couldn’t care less about the relationship.

Let’s talk about your sexual style. Perhaps you are the woman who just can’t wait to tear her clothes off and thrust herself into any available pair of male arms. Or perhaps you are the guy who is addicted to rape. Your favorite prowling ground is party scenes where you can get your victims looped on drugs and then have your way with them. Sexual addictions come in a wide variety of forms, and yet the irony is that when we’re this crazed for sex, it’s really not about the sex anymore. For sex addicts, sex has become a symbol of something else, and that something else is what they’re really after. The first step in healing from your addiction is to identify what it is that sex symbolizes for you. Read more of this post

Misdirected Sex Drive: Why do I feel aroused by inappropriate targets?

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We use the term sexual target to define what turns you on sexually. The world is full of potential targets, but God puts out a very narrow definition of what appropriate targets are. For men, women are the only appropriate targets. But not just any women. God says you’re not supposed to be lusting after some other man’s wife or little girls or your mother. The list goes on and on, and there are similar restrictions for women. Women are supposed to be sexually aroused by men. Not little boys, not their friend’s boyfriends, not their grandfathers—you get the idea. God is a real stickler when it comes to defining morally acceptable sexual desires and activities, and then He slaps the label of perverse onto anything that falls outside of the morally acceptable zone. Well, now what? Read more of this post