The Pursuit of God

Serious Topics for Serious Christians

Category Archives: Sex Related Issues

Pedophiles vs. Child Molesters: Understanding the Difference

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To say that all pedophiles are child molesters is like saying all straights are rapists.  Pedophilia is a sexual orientation.  Molestation is a form of sexual assault.  Being sexually attracted to children is not at all the same as wanting to assault them.

UNDERSTANDING PEDOPHILES

While many gays and straights like to publicly broadcast their sexual preferences, pedophiles tend to keep their private feelings about sex to themselves.  What’s wrong with that?  It’s hardly classy or appropriate to dump your hormonal viewpoints and urges all over the world wide web.  A straight man who tells the world how he is lusting after his female coworker is behaving quite immaturely.  People who post pictures and videos of themselves being physically intimate with their lovers are just cheapening something which is meant to be cherished.  Our personal sexual desires are not things we should be waving about like flags.  So the fact that a pedophile doesn’t walk down the street saying, “Hey, everyone, I’m really turned on by kids,” hardly makes that man a creep.  Instead, he’s modeling a level of self-restraint that we could all use to imitate.  Read more of this post

Symbolic Genders: Understanding Trauma Driven Homosexuality

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The topic of homosexuality has been so badly handled by the Christian community that all you have to do is use the words “gay” and “God” in the same sentence and everyone gets ready for war.  In this post, we’re going to discuss a very common way that people become sexually attracted to their own gender.  If you’re all caught up in gay pride and you just love being gay, then don’t bother with this post because it won’t help you.  This post is only going to be useful for folks who are feeling distressed by their homosexual desires and wondering how they got where they are.  Read more of this post

Understanding Your Perverse Fantasies: A Sign of Stress, Not Defectiveness

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There’s a widespread belief among Christians that if a man’s spiritual priorities were in the right order, he wouldn’t have certain kinds of thoughts, he wouldn’t be hooked on porn, and he wouldn’t have certain nasty desires welling up within him 24/7.  And yet the truth is that a man can have excellent priorities and be embracing all the right soul attitudes while he is being plagued with some very dark mental fantasies.  The psychological principles we’re going to discuss in this post can be very helpful to anyone who is feeling tormented with perverse fantasies of any kind.  When you’re obsessing over certain kinds of themes, you can easily end up shunned by both the mainstream Christian community as well as the world at large.  Happily neither of these human groups are accurately conveying God’s assessment of you.  And once you understand a few basic principles about where perverse fantasies come from, you can stop treating yourself like a worm and become more receptive to the compassion and help God is offering you. Read more of this post

Are all sexual perverts going to Hell?

Are all sexual perverts going to Hell?

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There is something about the mention of sexual sins in the New Testament that triggers a selective memory response in Christians. We know there are certain verses which specifically say that all sexual perverts will go to Hell and we like to refer to them whenever the topic comes up. We don’t recite the actual verses, we just say something general like “God says all perverts will go to Hell.” We do this because we have forgotten what the verses really say. If we remembered them accurately, we’d stop quoting them so often because when they’re isolated from the rest of Scripture, these verses actually say that we are all going to Hell. Read more of this post

Cultivating Submission: Why God Wants You to Hate His Moral Code

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God has a moral code.  Because He is the Supreme Authority, He demands that we align with His moral code.  We don’t like His moral code, thus a conflict is created.

So why don’t we like God’s moral code?  Because He has intentionally designed us not to like it.  Now maybe you’re thinking, “Hey, I don’t have a problem with God’s moral code.”  This is called denial.  You actually have an enormous problem with God’s moral code, because what God basically says is that who you naturally are is bad.  Not just a little bad—really bad.  There’s no human on the planet who isn’t bothered by this kind of judgment.  We’re so bothered by it, that we try not to face it by being very selective about which parts of God’s moral code we will recognize.  For example, we say, “God says that murder is bad.  I agree, and I don’t murder, so there’s no conflict between God and I.”  Ah, but God’s moral code is far more extensive than this.  The reality is that every human has a long list of innate qualities, desires, and characteristics which God says are bad.  So what does this mean?  It means we’ve got a God who sounds like He is rejecting us for things that we can’t help.  Well, who wants a God like that?  Here’s where the mass stampede away from God begins as many souls say, “Why should I submit to a jerk like that?  If God is so impossible to please, who needs Him?”  Read more of this post

Broken to Thrive: Help & Hope for Pedophiles

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CAUTION: Due to the nature of the subject being discussed, this article contains some graphic descriptions.

In our zeal to protect children from abuse, we have made it enormously difficult for their would-be abusers to get the help they need to not abuse.  This is demonstrated most clearly in the counseling office.  If you’re cheating on your wife, you can talk about that with your therapist and get help and empathy without the fear of being ratted on.  But if you’re battling with a desire to molest your daughter, well, then there are laws which say you have to be reported to the authorities.  Well, who is going to open up to a counselor under these conditions?  Do you want to talk about your most shameful secrets while someone is thrusting a mic in your face?  Of course not.  If you can’t talk to anyone without the risk of getting publicly ostracized, then you’re not going to talk—that’s basic human nature.  So now we’ve got a whole bunch of pedophiles slinking around in the shadows with no one they can talk to and plenty of them don’t even understand how they got the way that they are.  Well, this is a mess.  Pedophiles aren’t subhuman lifeforms, they are humans who are struggling with an issue that was thrust upon them through no choice of their own.  Read more of this post

Help for Sex Addicts: Understanding Symbolic Sex

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So, how’s your sex life going? Are you even supposed to be having a sex life right now? Most sex addicts are not. When we are addicted to sex, we can’t scrape up the self-control needed to fuss around with things like real love and marital commitment. We feel an overwhelming need to keep that intercourse coming, which is why many of us are mowing our way through a long list of sexual partners. We’re not in it for the relationship, we’re in it for the sex. Some of us will put some effort into the relationship in order to make it last so we can put off the trouble of having to find a new partner. But others of us couldn’t care less about the relationship.

Let’s talk about your sexual style. Perhaps you are the woman who just can’t wait to tear her clothes off and thrust herself into any available pair of male arms. Or perhaps you are the guy who is addicted to rape. Your favorite prowling ground is party scenes where you can get your victims looped on drugs and then have your way with them. Sexual addictions come in a wide variety of forms, and yet the irony is that when we’re this crazed for sex, it’s really not about the sex anymore. For sex addicts, sex has become a symbol of something else, and that something else is what they’re really after. The first step in healing from your addiction is to identify what it is that sex symbolizes for you. Read more of this post

Misdirected Sex Drive: Why do I feel aroused by inappropriate targets?

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We use the term sexual target to define what turns you on sexually. The world is full of potential targets, but God puts out a very narrow definition of what appropriate targets are. For men, women are the only appropriate targets. But not just any women. God says you’re not supposed to be lusting after some other man’s wife or little girls or your mother. The list goes on and on, and there are similar restrictions for women. Women are supposed to be sexually aroused by men. Not little boys, not their friend’s boyfriends, not their grandfathers—you get the idea. God is a real stickler when it comes to defining morally acceptable sexual desires and activities, and then He slaps the label of perverse onto anything that falls outside of the morally acceptable zone. Well, now what? Read more of this post

Understanding Your Reaction to Sexual Assault: Triggers & Pleasure

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CAUTION: This post is speaking to sexual assault victims.  Some graphic descriptions are used in order to address specific concerns regarding molestation experiences.

You’ve been sexually assaulted. Maybe you were subjected to some form of molestation, or maybe you were full on raped. Either way, in the midst of that enormously upsetting moment, you were distressed to notice that part of you actually enjoyed the sensations you were experiencing. What on earth does this mean? If your penis erects in the middle of some man touching it, does that mean you’re some little pervert who actually enjoys being molested? If you feel some tingly rush of excitement when a man fondles your breasts or starts taking off your clothes, does that mean that you actually enjoy being violated? If you start having an orgasm in the middle of being raped, or if you find that part of you wants to prolong the experience of being groped, does that mean you’re sick and twisted? If you are currently stressing over these kinds of concerns, then this post is going to help to put your mind at ease. Read more of this post

Dealing with Erectile Dysfunction: Help for Christian Men

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CAUTION: Due to the nature of the subject being discussed, this article contains some graphic language.

For all of you Christian guys out there, it’s time to talk real about the highly embarrassing subject of erectile dysfunction. Maybe you’ve never had sex and you’re stressing over things going badly that first night. Or maybe you’re trying desperately to make things work and your body keeps sabotaging you in the critical moment. Or maybe things used to work and now they don’t. Whatever the case, if you’re stressing over erectile dysfunction, then this post is for you. Read more of this post