The Pursuit of God

Serious Topics for Serious Christians

Category Archives: Relationship Mechanics

Improving Your Social Skills: The Principles of Coercion & Power


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The principles we’re going to discuss in this post apply to American culture.  Every culture has different social norms—behavioral rules which play a big role in determining how people feel during their social interactions with others.  Because there is so much variation among cultures, some of the principles we’re going to discuss in this post might sound backwards to how things work in your country.  But because humans are far more alike than they are different, you’ll probably find at least some of these principles useful even if you’re not around Americans.  Read more of this post

The Mindset of Trauma Reversal: Pursuing the Unattainable


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No matter how many men Sonya dates, she doesn’t feel satisfied.  Rather than be faithful to her current boyfriend who treats her very well, Sonya flirts with every guy she meets and tries to get physical with them.  Sonya’s flirtatious behavior suggests that she really wants a man.  But she has a man, so why isn’t she happy?

Tony is an extremely driven workaholic who has a long resume of impressive accomplishments.  He graduated top of his class at one of the best colleges in the world.  He’s a brilliant neurosurgeon who has revolutionized his field with some very innovative surgical techniques.  Thanks to Tony’s genius, the number of brain tumors that can be safely removed has skyrocketed.  The man is a hero in the medical field, he is adored by his community, and he is married to an exceptionally kind and compassionate woman.  But despite all of this, Tony feels depressed and inadequate.  He’s locked in a pattern of driving himself to exhaustion trying to accomplish some lofty goal, only to feel depressed and unsatisfied when he reaches his target.  Tony’s been the guest of honor at many awards ceremonies, but every time he returns home with his wife, he’s so upset that he locks himself into the bathroom to cry.  Why isn’t Tony feeling satisfied with his accomplishments? Read more of this post

The Element of Power in Human Relationships


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There is an element of power in every relationship. Realizing this is an essential step in learning how to develop healthy human relationships. When power is properly distributed among the various parties in a relationship, things can go very well. When power is being mismanaged, we end up hurting each other.


In human relationships we measure our power by our ability to get what we want. What makes a king so different than a regular citizen? When the king says he wants something, he gets what he wants. When the regular citizen says he wants something, he often gets ignored. Greater power results in our preferences being respected and obeyed. And because we’re all selfish beings who want our own way 24/7, we crave power and we find it very tempting to abuse. Read more of this post

Dating Essentials: Real Love vs. Infatuation


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There are certain critical concepts that every single should understand. Understanding the difference between infatuation and real love is one of those concepts, so let’s get into it.


Put a real diamond ring on a table next to a plastic kiddie ring that is trying to imitate the look of a real diamond. Which ring is worth more? The real diamond, of course. The kiddie ring is just a cheap toy that will bring some amusement for a very brief period of time before ending up in the trash can. The real diamond can be kept for decades and its value will likely increase. If a crisis arises, the diamond can be sold for major money that can help you or someone else out of a jam. Real love is like that real diamond: it lasts. It retains its value. You can use it to meet needs and really help people. Infatuation is like that kiddie ring: it’s amusing at first, but then you’re so over it and it’s useless. If you’re wise, you go for real love. If you’re stupid, you waste your whole life chasing after infatuation. God tells you to be wise. The world encourages you to be stupid. Read more of this post

Pursuing Intimacy with God: Will our need for other humans hold us back?


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In the determined pursuit of a close relationship with God, we can often develop a very negative view of other humans.  We begin to see our desire for human relationships as an unwanted distraction which is preventing us from finding total satisfaction in God alone.  We start asking God to free us up from our need for anyone other than Him.  And yet in most lives, it is not God’s will to grant this kind of request.

In this world, we are saddled with many needs and limitations which seem to hamper our relationship with God. We need to eat and sleep.  We need to work to earn money so that we can buy food and shelter.  We have limited attention spans.  We have intense needs for psychological stimulation, emotional connection, and physical touch.  Before we label all of these things as bad, we need to remember that these things are in our lives by God’s choice. Read more of this post