The Pursuit of God

Serious Topics for Serious Christians

Eclipsing False Christian Prophets: The Biblical Allusion Con

AUDIO VERSION: YouTube  Podbean

A solar eclipse is on its way, and that means there are a bunch of false prophets out there just hankering for a way to get their greedy mitts on your money.  To help woo you and your wallet in their direction, they are cranking out a fresh pile of malarkey about celestial signs, the end of the world, Israel, someone nuking America—you know, all the standard stuff.  And while you could certainly choose to hop aboard the merry-go-round for yet another ride up and down the fear pole, we encourage you to take this opportunity to get educated instead.  Educated, that is, on how people with no fear of God are intentionally jerking you around for their own carnal gain.  It’s really quite despicable, the way these arrogant windbags get off on spiritually deluding you just so they can sell more books and rake in more offerings.  But God will take care of them.  Meanwhile, you really need to stop acting like a sponge by just soaking up whatever ludicrous theory the prophetic posers come up with. 

Christian prophets are not safe people—in fact, most of them are quite dangerous.  Snuggling up to these jerks you find on the internet who can’t stop yakking about what amazing insight the Lord just revealed to them is about as healthy as trying to snuggle up to a bear in a bad mood.  You should really keep your distance from prophets who find it so fun to use your ignorance against you.  But how can you spot the good guys from the guys who want to knife you in the back?  It’s all about getting better at spiritual discernment.  Guess what?  Anyone can get very skilled at discernment.  You just need two basic ingredients: a correct understanding of where truth comes from and some insights about how shady Christian leaders succeed at conning you.  Truth comes from God, and as a human, you can talk to God anytime you want.  That takes us to the second ingredient: seeing through the cons.  Here’s where we come in.  We just love exposing the many tricks that shady Christian leaders use to dupe the gullible masses.  And since all shady shepherds are drawing from the same basic bag of tricks, once you understand how to see through the tricks, you become much harder to deceive.

So wait—what’s in it for us?  Why should we be trying to help you get better defenses against all of these jerks who are trying to take you down?  After all, we’re prophets too, and if we bag on our fellow prophets, aren’t we giving the whole calling a bad name?  Well, first of all, we don’t consider ourselves to be on the same team as those who are trying to trash you for their own gain.  In the second place, we’re not the least bit threatened by you losing respect for the prophetic calling.  In fact, we wish you would, because until you stop trusting in humans to guide you, you’re going to keep being easy to deceive.

We aren’t interested in your money, your loyalty, or your approval.  As you can tell from the lack of advertisements on our website, we aren’t making any profit from you visiting our site.  You simply don’t have anything that we’re interested in taking away from you.  Instead, we’d like to give you some tips on how to stop being so easy to abuse.  Sure, it’s wrong that so many prophets are out there just trying to work one over on you.  But the fact is that they are, and at some point, you need to start taking some responsibility for your own gullibility and realize that you have options.  You can learn to see through these con artists and stop falling for their lies.  So now, let’s get into it.

USING ALLUSIONS & BUZZWORDS TO GAIN CREDIBILITY

The particular con we want to teach you about in this post revolves around the art of allusion.  Shady Christian leaders are huge fans of alluding to Scriptures as a means of conning you into thinking they are more credible than they are.  When you allude to something, you hint.  For example, you might say, “Yep, Susan had an affair.  The old serpent won again.”  Here you’re referring to how your friend Susan gave into a temptation to sin by cheating on her husband.  You then allude to Scriptures by saying “the old serpent won again”—and by this you are referring to the account in Eden when the serpent conned Eve into eating forbidden fruit.  Of course that’s really not an accurate description of what happened in Eden, but it’s the commonly accepted belief, and that’s what counts (see Debunking The Fall: The Many Lies Christians Tell About Genesis 3).  False prophets who are good at what they do know the vast difference between what the Bible actually says and what you think the Bible says. They then capitalize on what you think it says.

Okay, so false prophets like to pepper their messages with allusions to Scriptures—but how does this harm you?  Well, simply by getting you to make a link between what they’re saying and something the Bible says, false prophets easily con you into concluding that what they’re saying lines up with what Scriptures say.  And because they know that Christians are taught that the Bible is an infallible guidebook for truth, as soon as they get you to think that their prophecy lines up with Scriptures, boom, they’ve got your trust.

THE TRUMP CON

Now in case you think you’re not this easy to fool, let’s use some real life examples.  Donald Trump was elected as the American president in November 2016.  Before that moment, he had to fight his way through a long campaign beside a bunch of contenders.  At some point in that process, the population of false Christian prophets decided that of all the competing candidates, Trump was the fellow they were going to back.  Once that decision was made, we saw the false prophets kicking into high gear to con Christians into voting for their man.  They publicly anointed him and prayed over him and several big time liars personally endorsed him.  That swung a lot of votes.  But then came the prophecies about how Trump was God’s choice, and those prophecies were peppered with allusions to Scripture.

Now whenever you want to sell a politician to Christians, you need to start by announcing that you’ve received prophetic visions that your guy is going to do great things for Israel.  This is one of the most effective Scriptural allusions prophets have in their bag of tricks, and they use it all the time.  When prophesying that God is going to bless a nation, they almost always slip in some side note about how that nation is going to do great things for Israel.  When prophesying about why some political agenda will succeed, it’s mentioned that the plan will help Israel.  Why are prophetic blowhards always plugging Israel?  Because that is how they gain your trust.  You see, they know that when you go to church, you get it hammered into your brain that the Bible says that Israel is God’s favorite nation.  You get told that God promises in the Word that He’ll bless anyone who supports Israel and He’ll curse anyone who opposes her.  Is this really what the Bible says?  Nope.  Oh, but you know that it does because you saw a verse in Genesis… Yeah, that was Yahweh talking to Abraham, and what He actually said was that He could be counted on to really support and protect Abraham as Abraham obeyed God by wandering about in foreign lands.  Oh, but what about that other place when a prophet who was speaking for God said…?  Nope, that widely quoted gem doesn’t apply either.  And that prophet wasn’t a prophet of God, he was just a sorcerer/con artist who was willing to prophesy for any deity if the price was right (see Balak & Balaam: God Wars).  You see, context matters, and context is what you’re intentionally not taught in church because no one wants you to figure out that Israel has never been and will never be God’s favorite anything.  Neither are ethnic Jews, by the way.  Yahweh says quite clearly in Scriptures that all ethnicities are equal in His sight (see Yahweh Talks Ethnicity: Jews & Non-Jews Are Equal Before God).

The disturbing truth is that what you think the Bible says about many subjects is miles apart from what it actually says. But because mainstream Christian teaching has been synchronized across denominations to pump out the same deceptions in certain areas, you erroneously think the Bible is filled with passages in which God goes on and on about how He loves ethnic Jews better than anyone else.  False prophets don’t care that your understanding of Scripture is so flawed—they only care about what you actually believe, because all they need to do is get you to think their prophecies align with Scripture.  As long as you think God is obsessed with Israel and that He smiles on all who worship her, then all false prophets have to do to get you to back someone is tell you that the man is pro-Israel.  Once they label someone as pro-Israel, it’s a breeze for false prophets to get you to accept that God favors that person, because after all, it’s “biblical” for God to smile on all friends of Israel—or so you think.  Any leader who fawns over Israel will be blessed by God.  Any nation who sides with Israel in military conflicts will be blessed by God. So when false prophets want you to side with someone, they go on about what fans of Israel the person is.  They allude to something that you think God says in the Bible, then they smile as your guard drops and your trust spikes.

Now as effective as it is to talk about Israel, if you really want to lock in the trust of the masses, you need to pile on more allusions to Scripture.  To keep bolstering support for Trump, false prophets declared that Trump would be another Cyrus.  King Cyrus of Persia is mentioned in the Old Testament, but he’s not well-known by Christians.  This is what’s so fantastic about the Old Testament: it’s so intentionally downplayed and avoided by Christian teachers that the general masses barely know what it says.  Take a guy like Cyrus.  Who was he?  False prophets are happy to summarize for you that Cyrus was a king who ordered Jews to return to Israel and rebuild their war torn homeland.  And because you already think God smiles on anyone who helps ethnic Jews, Cyrus’ “let’s rebuild Israel” campaign makes him sound like a great guy to you.  So when the false prophets synchronize their visions and declare that God is telling them Trump will be “another Cyrus” you think, “Gosh, this new American president is going to do great things for Israel, which means God will mega bless him, which means God will mega bless me as well if I support him.”  See how it works?  You’re coming along nicely, but why stop with allusions to unfamiliar Bible characters?  Allusions to Bible numbers is another five star trick which false prophets rushed to use when they were trying to drum up Christian support for the highly controversial American president.

After declaring Trump to be “another Cyrus,” false prophets massaged calendar dates and the man’s age until they came up with a string of three 7s, which they also associated with him (see Cyrus & 777: Debunking Christian Idiocy About Trump).  Alluding to the numbers 3 and 7 is a great way of making you think that something is extra special because you’ve been taught to associate those numbers with God Himself.  So does the Bible really say that 3 is the number of God?  Nope.  Does it say that 7 is the number of perfection?  Nope, it really doesn’t.  Anytime you hear people trying to link numbers to concepts, emotions, or supernatural beings, you’re getting into the highly idiotic world of numerology (see Numerology, Gematria & Bible Codes: Being Stupid with Numbers).  You see, in the Bible, God never teaches you to play games with numbers or to obsess over numerical patterns in languages or in the world around you.  It was superstitious, demon worshiping Jews who got into numerology, and it caught on so hugely that we find the apostle John assigning a hated Roman emperor the insulting handle of “666” which was code for saying “Mr. Evil, Evil, Evil” (see Applying Revelation 13: Two More Beasts & 666).

The Jews became immersed in numerology as a result of rubbing shoulders with other highly superstitious cultures that they met during Old Testament times.  By the time of the New Testament, the Jews had become so immersed in absurd superstitions that we find God playing off of those false beliefs in the book of Revelation.  Once your discernment skills get honed, you become able to recognize the difference between God talking about the way things really are and God playing along with silly beliefs in order to make a point.  For example, by now you know that dolls don’t really talk, nor do they have emotions.  So when little Jenny says that her dolly is scared by the sound of thunder, and Jenny’s mom starts saying comforting things to the doll as if she really believes the toy is afraid, you as an adult would that understand Jenny’s mom is just playing along with Jenny’s beliefs to help the girl out.  You would understand that Jenny’s mom doesn’t really think the doll is afraid.

In the Bible what we find is Jesus and Yahweh saying a lot of things that aren’t true in order to make certain points with superstitious Jews.  When you have good discernment skills, you learn to recognize when Jesus and Yahweh are accommodating false beliefs and when They are actually teaching straight truth.  For example, in the Gospel when Jesus refers to Satan as the ruler of the world, He’s doing what Jenny’s mom was doing when she was talking to the doll—He’s choosing to play along with certain delusions for the sake of helping His immediate audience.  Satan is certainly not the ruler of this world, and Jesus knows this.  But the New Testament Jews thought that Satan did rule the world.  Rather than spend all of His time pointing out errors in people’s thinking, Jesus did a whole lot of accommodating.  Instead of teaching you how to recognize the difference between accommodating and truth speaking, Christian leaders today teach you to take God far too literally.  In other words, they teach you that a bunch of wrong beliefs are true simply because they get mentioned in the Bible.

The apostle John was a highly superstitious fellow and he believed many silly things. He thought the sea was evil.  He thought the gates to a creepy underworld were located on the ocean floor.  He thought one of the tribes of Israel was cursed (see Applying Revelation 7: The 144,000).  He thought a perfect Heaven would have to look like the earthly city of Jerusalem, and he imagined angels and God as running around in the latest clothing fashions, which were tunics.  One of the reasons Revelation is such a bizarre book is that Yahweh and Jesus are intentionally playing off of many of the absurd beliefs John and his peers have.  The visions are highly metaphorical and are not meant to be taken literally.  And because John was also into numerology, he associated sevens with Divinity and perfection, which is why so many sevens show up in Revelation.  It’s not that there’s really anything special about 7, but John thought there was, and God plays on that belief to make a point.

What symbols would you use to depict security and safety to a modern American?  A locked door perhaps.  Or maybe an armed guard or a security gate or a home alarm system.  In John’s day, living in a city that was surrounded by thick, castle-like walls made people feel safe.  So when it’s time to show John an image of Heaven and portray that place as being safe and happy, Yahweh and Jesus use the image of a fortified city.  It’s purely symbolic—Heaven really isn’t going to be a fortress.  But today, you’re not taught to appreciate all of the accommodating that’s happening in Revelation.  Instead, you’re taught to personally embrace much of the idiotic thinking of ancient Jewish culture.  That’s how you arrive at the belief that the number 7 has something to do with perfection and Divinity.  And once you decide to embrace the foolishness of others, false prophets come along and capitalize on your poor discernment and poor choices by hyping you up on the idea that the American president is somehow linked to the number “777.”  The whole thing is a con game to make you think the man is extra special and extra smiled on by God.  But it’s really just absurdity stacked on top of lies that no one is helping you unlearn.  You see, it pays for Christian leaders to deceive you.  Lying to you results in hefty book sales, donations, and ad revenue for them, which is why they do it.  But while they’re filling their pockets, you’re getting a head full of delusions which only end up stressing you out.

THE JOEL 2 CON

Now maybe you’re not an American.  Or maybe you didn’t care enough about politics to get sucked into the Trump con games.  For a more universal example of the allusion con at work, we need look no further than good old Joel 2.  Here’s a gem that’s been quoted ad nauseum lately:

The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the great and awe-inspiring Day of Yahweh comes. (Joel 2:31)

What does this even mean?  Who is talking here, and who is the speaker addressing?  What exactly is the “Day of Yahweh” (which is more commonly called “the Day of the Lord” since Christians have intentionally yanked the Name of Yahweh out of their most popular translations of the Old Testament)?  Have you ever read Joel 2 for yourself or do you just shiver in fear whenever someone yanks this single statement out of context?  If any part of you thinks the Bible actually contains predictions of real solar or lunar eclipses, then you’ve been successfully conned by the alluding to Scripture trick.  The truth is that the Bible does not contain a single warning that we should expect an actual eclipse to occur.  Oh sure, shady Christian leaders will wax on about how the Bible has many layers of meaning.  But no, the Bible really isn’t that deep.  It’s actually pretty straightforward, and once you take the time to examine context, the author’s intended meaning of a particular passage usually becomes quite clear.

Now in the case of Joel 2, what we have is highly dramatic, exaggeratory, and symbolic language being used to warn Jews of an epic military invasion which will soon take place.  Joel 2 is describing the future sacking of Jerusalem by the Babylonian army.  Joel 2 is only prophesying the future if you lived before 586 BC.  From your modern day perspective, Joel 2 is describing ancient history.

Joel 2 is a very specific, historically limited prophecy which was given to an extremely limited audience: specifically, the Jews who were living in and around the area that was about to be sacked.  You simply can’t squeeze any predictions for the modern world out of Joel (see Blood Moons: The Mechanics, the Hype & the God-Honoring Response).

Now here’s the thing about the Old Testament: it’s a collection of books which are organized by type, not date.  This means that things are out of time order.  Even though Joel is located towards the end of the Old Testament, the events it describe happened much earlier than you’d expect.  The books of Ezra, Nehemiah, and Esther are placed before Joel, but they are describing historical events which occurred after the prophecies of Joel 2 were fulfilled.  So it’s rather confusing.  But it’s not too confusing to sort out.

Set a string of random lettered tiles onto a table top.  Then notice how the letters are not in alphabetical order.  The string of tiles on the table might read: S-A-R-M-O-S-S-A-E-M.  Now shift the tiles around so that they are in alphabetical order.  That means you’ll have to group tiles with the same letters together.  Now you have something like this: A-A-E-M-M-O-R-S-S-S.  Notice how you have different amounts of each letter, but now at least things are in order.

The way that the books of the Old Testament are arranged in your Bible today are like that first string of tiles: things are out of order.  Multiple books which are talking about the same historical events are not grouped together like they ought to be. Instead, they’re spread out.  But with a little study, you can rearrange things to put everything in time order.  When you do this, the prophetic books of the Old Testament suddenly make a lot more sense.  You also realize that many of the prophets are talking about the same major events over and over again.  You realize that events which were particularly traumatic to the Jews—such as having their capital city destroyed and their nation destroyed—get a lot more attention than more minor events.  In short, the Old Testament stops being so mysterious once you get things in proper order.  Now you can figure this out for yourself, or you can check out our Know Your Bible Series in which we do the work for you and walk you through the whole Old Testament in chronological order.  Our material is always free, and we intentionally discuss many lesser known passages of the Old Testament to help you quickly get more familiar.  You see, the more you understand what the book actually says, the harder you’ll be to con with the old alluding to Scriptures trick.  Education is the key to becoming less gullible, but good education is hard to come by.  At church you’re not going to be taught the truth about Joel 2, because there’s no way to teach Joel 2 accurately without casting light on how shady Christian leaders are behaving when they suggest that Joel 2 has anything to do with actual eclipses.

Since the majority of Christian leaders in the Church today are pumping out the same deceptions, no one has the spine to point out how crooked the whole system is because they’re all depending on each other to keep their careers intact.  Since we have no affiliations with any Christian denomination, and since no one is paying us a salary, we are free to call things like they really are.  You’re being lied to on all sides: this is how things really are.  Every time God does some creative stunt in the natural world, Christian leaders try to terrorize you with doomsday prophecies.  Sure, the concept of an “end times” is quite valid.  This world is a temporary project which will soon embark on its final chapter.  But just trying to scare you with foreboding warnings is hardly productive.  When God prepares you for difficult times, He doesn’t just harp on how awful it will be.  He identifies positive spiritual goals for you to focus on, and He emphasizes hope (see Living in the End Times: A Thrilling Opportunity).  But fear is what makes money, not a focus on positive spiritual goals.  So false prophets emphasize fear, and then they constantly allude to Scriptures to make you think their fear fest is actually a message from God.

ALLUSION SHORTCUTS: BIBLE BUZZWORDS

Let’s now review how the allusion con works.  The goal here is to tie a new prophecy to some passage of Scripture in order to make the new prophecy seem credible.  False prophets accomplish this by vaguely referring to familiar passages of Scripture, or by using what we call “Bible buzzwords.”  A Bible buzzword is a word that you don’t use in your normal life—it’s just a word that you read in the Bible, thus hearing it makes you think of the Bible.  Common buzzwords are words like anointed, covenant, elect, sanctification, and watchman.  Certain Bible names also make great buzzwords, such as Melchizedek, Gog, Magog, and Armageddon.  All of these terms instantly make Christians think of Scriptures, and often that is all it takes to establish that sense of credibility.

To demonstrate how effective buzzwords can be, look around at all of these bloated egos who can’t stop reminding you of how anointed they are.  What does it even mean to be anointed?  If you really understood what an anointing ritual was to the Jews, you’d stop being wowed by it.  Anointing in the Bible was as meaningful as a “like” on Facebook.  While clicking “like” on a Facebook post creates an illusion that you sincerely liked the contents of that post, in real life this is often not the case. Facebook users soon discover how phony and inaccurate likes can be.  Plenty of people who actually read and agreed with what you posted didn’t click “like”  because they are simply not button clickers, while other folks are “liking” everything you say just because you’re the one saying it—not because they’re actually reading it.  In the same way, the Jewish custom of “anointing” a man by drizzling perfumed oil on his head gave the illusion that the man was worthy of extra respect and that he was pleasing to Yahweh and called by Yahweh to serve in some special leadership role.  But in real life, what often happened is that Yahweh hating spiritual rebels and violent, throne stealing murderers got publicly drizzled as a way of trying to swing public support in their direction.  Instead of being taught the truth about what a meaningless ritual the anointing practice was in Jewish culture, you’re taught that anyone who bears the title of “anointed” has been authorized by God to pull spiritual rank on you (see Anointed: What it Does & Doesn’t Mean).  You’re then told that if you dare to oppose one of God’s “anointed,” He’ll punish you in some scary way (see Can Christian leaders claim special protection from God?).  Well, no, you’re just being conned.  By using the buzzword of “anointed,” Christian leaders are hoping that their refusal to educate you will pay off in the form of you actually thinking the title of “anointed” means that they have God’s permission to act like your spiritual superiors.

Among false prophets, it’s very popular to flaunt buzzwords.  Some prophets like to assign themselves extra names which they know you’ll associate with famous prophets of the Bible.  A fellow named Ryan Thompson, for example, might promote himself on the internet as Samuel Ezekiel Ryan, with the Samuel and Ezekiel names functioning as credibility boosters.  After all, Samuel was some heavy hitter in the Bible, and Ezekiel wrote a whole book.  Christians are taught to respect and trust those two ancient characters, and Ryan is hoping to steal some of that respect and trust for himself by linking himself to those names.

Another favorite game among some prophets is to promote themselves as “watchmen” or “trumpet blowers.”  Watchman is another Bible buzzword.  A watchman was the guy who got to stand around in some tower trying not to fall asleep from boredom as he kept a lookout for trouble on the horizon.  The main trouble he was concerned about would be enemy soldiers coming to attack the area.  Such attacks were very common in Bible times, and nations frequently had raiders nipping at their borders, trying to lay permanent claim to portions of their territories.  The elevated positions of watchmen gave them a big visual advantage, and their warnings were very useful to the folks down below.

If you lived in Bible times, you would know what a watchman was, just as modern people are familiar with the terms “police” and “security guard.”  The prophet Ezekiel certainly knew what a watchman was, so when Yahweh said that He was making Ezekiel a kind of spiritual “watchman” for Israel, the metaphor made perfect sense.  It just sounds odd to us today, because we don’t walk around waving to watchmen posted in towers on the edges of our cities and towns.  Today, English speakers don’t talk about “watchmen” in their daily lives.  It’s a term that Christians will only associate with the Bible if they’ve heard of it at all, and this is what makes it such a great buzzword.  When pompous Wally wants us all to be impressed by him, he promotes himself as “Watchman Wally.”  He then explains to us that Yahweh called Ezekiel to be His “watchman,” and in doing this, Wally tries to make us view him like another Ezekiel.  Because Ezekiel is a fellow in the Bible, and we’ve been taught to blindly admire all Bible prophets, Wally is hoping that calling himself Watchman Wally will cause us to admire him as well.  This is how it works with buzzwords: you just use the right terms and you gain instant credibility with the masses.

CELESTIAL SIGNS PART 1: COVENANTS & RAINBOWS

It’s now time to unpack the first of a series of false prophecies that are being promoted on the internet right now regarding celestial signs.  After we debunk this prophecy about rainbows, we’ll move on to another post that addresses the coming solar eclipse, and then we’ll debunk this malarkey about an upcoming sign from Revelation in the stars.  The false prophet machinery in Christendom is very sky focused these days, but that just gives you some great material for practicing discernment.

The source of this first prophecy gives you at least two names you can add to your list of lying prophetic posers: televangelist Jim Bakker and Pastor Mark Biltz, founder of El Shaddai Ministries.  Bakker has made so much money conning Christians that he has his own television show, which he recently hosted Biltz on because false prophets love to plug each other.

Now Biltz really made a name for himself by claiming that it was super significant how certain blood moons occurred on certain religious holidays of Judaism.  But wait—Judaism is clinging to obsolete and incorrect theology, so why should we even care about what color the moon was when followers of Judaism are going through the motions of Passover?  We shouldn’t, but remember how the allusion con works: just by connecting moons to Jews, Biltz succeeded in making Christians think that he was some kind of brilliant prophet.  He then sold his books, and made a boatload of money, which is why we refer to him as Moon Man.  But as lucrative as moons have been for Biltz, he seems determined to cash in on other celestial signs as well.  So when a double rainbow recently appeared over the White House, (which is where the president resides in America’s capital city of Washington D.C.), Biltz leapt upon the opportunity to once again run an allusion con.

Double rainbows are really just a reflection of a single rainbow due to moisture in the atmosphere.  They can show up anywhere if the conditions are right, and no doubt there have been many double rainbows in D.C..  But with the solar eclipse so close, and Biltz scrambling to boost credibility for his solar theories, he jumped on the rainbow event with Bakker at his side.  In this excerpt from a news article, notice how Biltz uses biblical buzzwords to try and make a pretty ordinary event seem spiritually significant.

End Times prepper Pastor Jim Bakker and his guest, Mark Biltz, asserted on Bakker’s television show today [Aug. 14] that the appearance of a double rainbow over the White House recently is a sign of God’s covenant with America and that the upcoming solar eclipse is a heavenly call for this nation to repent.

“I believe a rainbow speaks of God’s covenant and over the White House, I think God is telling America He is in covenant with us,” Biltz said. “He is in covenant with us, that’s why it’s over the White House … It represents the nation and God is saying He’s in covenant with us and that why it’s so important for us, then, to heed the warning and to repent. That’s why we also have the solar eclipse coming across, because God wants [us to repent.]”

Covenant is the buzzword which immediately flashes us back to the Bible.  And when Biltz tells us that the rainbow is a sign of a covenant from God, he’s intentionally alluding to the biblical account of the post-flood rainbow that Noah saw.  His end goal is to get us to believe that his malarkey about the White House rainbow has biblical backup so that we’ll be more likely to just swallow what he says.

When rainbows are first mentioned in the Bible, Yahweh tells Noah that the rainbow is a sign of His covenant—or special promise—to never again wash the world away in a major flood.  Now if you put yourself in Noah’s sandals, you can appreciate how traumatized the man must have been by the whole flood experience.  Being trapped in a dank, rocking ark for over a month just to come out and discover you and your immediate family members are alone on the planet is a life-changing experience.  If Yahweh didn’t give this little group some special help, they were going to have panic attacks whenever rain started to fall again.  So Yahweh comes up with a rainbow to assure His little humans that they don’t have to live in constant terror of water falling on them from the sky.  The rainbow was to remind Noah and his family that even if water did start falling on their heads again, it would stop before it became a global crisis.  Such a sign was probably what helped Noah muster the courage to break down the ark and move on with his life—not an easy step to take after all that he’d been through.

So according to the Bible, the rainbow is tied to a very specific assurance from God that humans don’t need to fear a second global flood.  But then Bakker and Biltz come along and try to slap meanings onto the rainbow that God never gave it. Bakker and Biltz say the rainbow is now a sign that God has made some kind of covenant with America.  Well, gee, this sounds familiar.  Yahweh made a covenant with Israel in the Old Testament.  And as is the case with all of God’s promises, Yahweh’s covenant was filled with conditions.  If the entire nation of Israel devoted herself to Yahweh, He promised to mega bless her.  If she rebelled against Him, He promised to make her mega miserable.  Now we’ve got these two pastors telling us that God now has some covenant with America.

We watched the actual YouTube of Biltz spinning his rainbow yarn while Bakker amened him and the audience burst into brainless applause.  The two men did a fine job of running the allusion con by cramming many references to Scripture into a short amount of time.  Here’s an actual transcript of what was said (we have underlined all of the allusions to Scripture that are being used):

[Bakker shows a picture of a double rainbow over the White House]

BILTZ: “Well I, I believe that a rainbow speaks of God’s covenant—and over the White House—I think God is telling America He’s in covenant with us.

BAKKER: “Wow…”

BILTZ: “Which is all the more reason why we need to pray.”

[Audience starts to applaud]

BILTZ: “I think God is telling us He’s in covenant with us!” [applause grows louder]  “That’s why it’s over the White House. I think it’s—as a nation—it represents the nation and God is saying He’s in covenant with us and it’s so important for us then to heed the warning, and to repent. That’s why we also have the solar eclipse coming across, because God wants this—He’s not willing that any should perish.”

BAKKER: “That’s right.  You said it means that God wants to be in covenant with our White House and we should be praying for our White House—instead of cursing it. [Looks at audience angrily] America is cursing! They’re cursing each other! They’re cursing our president!  You people that are mocking the prophets—“

BILTZ: “Uh oh.”

BAKKER: “—You’d better be careful.”

RANDOM LADY: “Mm-hm.”

BAKKER: “Because God’s raised up the prophets to warn us and teach us.  ‘And when you touch Mine anointed…’

[People make disapproving sound.]

BAKKER: “He said: ‘Don’t touch Mine anointed. Don’t do Mine prophets no harm.”  I tell ya, the church better wake up. God’s gonna judge the church! First, judgment begins at the house of the Lord.  And I’m telling you people, if you don’t know we’re in the last days, you’re so deceived.”

So what we have here is two established liars trying to get people to swallow the idea that God has entered into some special covenant with America.  Apparently we were unaware of this happening, so He’s dropped us a vague hint by having a double rainbow show up over the White House.  And because that was so utterly unclear, we all missed it. After all, we were still stuck thinking rainbows were just a flood thing, not an American thing. But then God raised up Biltz and Bakker to help us decode the deeper meaning of the rainbow and realize that we’re actually in some covenant with God.  But wait—whenever God went into covenant mode with folks in the Bible, He was very specific about the terms of the covenant.  After all, covenants were specific agreements with specific terms.  So if this new rainbow covenant is so important, why isn’t God explaining it to us?  Why isn’t He outlining terms and letting us know what this particular covenant is about?  Why does He just slap a rainbow in the sky and leave us clueless?

In this interview, Bakker sternly warns us not to disrespect God’s anointed, and in this context, he means God’s prophets, which is what he and Biltz claim to be.  So…really?  God leaves us with Biltz?  All the man does is repeat the word covenant while he warns us to repent.  Plus he says things like “I think” not “I know.”  So we’re supposed to treat Moon Man’s hunch as a word from God?  Since when is God such an inept Communicator that He can’t even tell us what the heck His covenant is for?

Then there is Bakker, scolding us, threatening us, and saying we ought to be praying for the White House.  Assuming he means the people in the White House and not the actual building, what exactly are we supposed to be praying for?  Does God know what He’s doing or not?  Isn’t He supposed to be much wiser than we are?  If so, why would we waste our time trying to tell Him how to manage the American government?  Isn’t God smart enough to figure out what is best for this country without us having to tell Him?

In this video what we have is one self-titled prophet telling us that he figures some brief, hard to see rainbow event was God trying to tell Americans about some mysterious covenant that no one knows the terms of.  Biltz doesn’t give us details, because he’s playing it safe.  You see, the more detailed you are, the sooner you’ll look like a dolt when your prophecy doesn’t happen.  But if you keep it nice and vague, then earn people’s trust, your fans will fill in the missing details in ways that will keep you looking good.  No one wants to think they’ve been a sucker, so once you get people to trust you, they’ll work hard to protect themselves from facing how misplaced their trust in you is.

So after Biltz gives us some lame, uninformed prophecy about rainbows which he clearly tries to link to God’s covenant with Noah, he tosses in a Scripture quotation just to boost his own credibility.  In 2 Peter 3:9, Peter is trying to explain why Jesus is taking so long to return when He promised He’d come back soon.  Naturally the apostles are getting mocked, and Peter’s feeling the pressure to come up with some theological justification for why Jesus is a no show.  So Peter says:

The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9)

This is the verse that Biltz alludes to when he says:

“That’s why we also have the solar eclipse coming across, because God wants this—He’s not willing that any should perish.”

Really?  So God is peppering us with celestial signs that no one understands the point of because He’s anxious for us not to perish?  If He’s so interested in us staying in alignment with Him, how about He make His will for us more clear?  How about He send us someone less useless than Moon Man and Bakker?  In real life, God just doesn’t operate the way Biltz is suggesting.  When God wants humans to understand something, He communicates His message to their souls in a way that they can’t miss.  He doesn’t just play with stars and planets and flash rainbows in the sky.

After Biltz portrays God as dropping vague but colorful hints to us in the sky, Bakker takes over the interview and works hard to turn on the sober tone.  That line about mocking prophets alludes to several passages from the Old Testament, in which prophets complain to Yahweh about the abuse they are receiving.  He then goes on to try and get us to revere prophets like Moon Man by piling on the Scripture quotations.  He speaks of God “raising up” prophets to teach us, and that phrase “raising up” is another biblical buzzword.  In modern English we don’t talk about people raising up others to do specific jobs.  We talk about people hiring people or maybe calling on people. But we find references in the Old Testament to God “raising up” kings, prophets, and other kinds of leaders.  Bakker then whips out some funky King James English when he says:

“He said: ‘Don’t touch Mine anointed. Don’t do Mine prophets no harm.”

This is actually a line from a psalm that David wrote.  The same psalm is recorded in two places: first with its historical context in 1 Chronicles 16:22, and then by itself as Psalm 105.  In the section Bakker quotes, David is doing a rather poor job of summarizing Israel’s years of wandering through the desert under the leadership of Moses.  David writes:

When they were few in number, very few indeed, and temporary residents in Canaan
wandering from nation to nation and from one kingdom to another,
He [Yahweh] allowed no one to oppress them; He rebuked kings on their behalf, saying:
“Do not touch My anointed ones or harm My prophets.” (Ps. 105:12-15)

This just isn’t true.  While Yahweh certainly did spank many nations who tried to give the Israelites a hard time, He also spanked His own people quite a bit.  In the actual account of the wilderness journey, we don’t find Yahweh ever referring to His “prophets” or His “anointed ones.”  But as a man who has been personally appointed and anointed by Yahweh to serve as king over Israel, David has extra respect for the whole idea of God choosing out certain folks to serve Him as leaders in Israel.

Now exaggeration abounds in Jewish psalms, as does a habit of men putting words in God’s mouth that God never said.  So when Bakker quotes Psalm 105 and says it’s God talking when it’s really just David making up stuff that David would like to think God said, Bakker is being deceptive.  Of course it works for him to blow off context because he knows that you’ve been taught to think that every word in the Bible is “God-breathed” (see Imitating the Idolatry of NT Jews: All Scripture is God-Breathed).  This very delusional theory which originates from the apostle Paul gives Christian leaders the freedom to quote any passage from Scripture as a direct quote from God.  It’s all just part of the con.

After scrambling to boost Biltz’s credibility by quoting verses and trying to scare us into thinking God is going to nail us if we dare to disagree with Biltz’s ridiculous rainbow theory, Bakker finishes up his segment by ripping a line from 1 Peter 4:17.

For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?

Wait a minute–who says that judgment begins with God’s  household?  Peter does.  Peter is welcome to his opinion, but can’t we get a more credible source? Not from the Bible we can’t.  Nowhere in the Bible does God say that judgment will begin with “God’s household.”  And if you’re now asking yourself why Peter felt justified in declaring it was time for judgment to begin on anyone, good for you.  You should be asking that because Peter really doesn’t have the authority to announce when it’s time for God to start swinging His gavel.

Peter lived in difficult times.  He was struggling to win converts to a floundering Jesus movement while he waited on pins for Jesus to fulfill His promise to come back soon.  Meanwhile, the Jews and Romans were at each other’s throats, and the pompous apostle Paul was strategically undermining Peter’s authority so that he could become the top dog (see Taking the Apostles off the Pedestal: Power Struggles in the Early Church).  What do you do when all your followers are griping about how miserable and persecuted they are?  You threaten them with Divine judgment in order to get them to improve their attitudes.  What we find in 1 Peter 4:17 is not some deep insight about how judgment works.  It’s just a frustrated leader trying to keep his group from falling apart.  What does any of this have to do with rainbows over the White House?  Nothing, of course.  False prophets are famous for stringing together unrelated thoughts and totally irrelevant Bible passages.  But this is what’s so sweet about running an allusion con: there’s no pressure to make sense.  All you have to do is keep associating yourself with the book that has ultimate credibility in the eyes of Christians.  Convince Christians that you’re being biblical, and they’ll start applauding every time, no matter how  ludicrous you’re being.  Rainbows over the White House.  Really??

LESSON 2 OF THIS SERIES: Eclipsing False Christian Prophets: Unsealing the Idiocy

FURTHER READING:
Shady Shepherd Tactics: Gaining Rank
Recognizing Your Spiritual Dependency On Humans
The Modern Christian View of the End Times: Its Origin & Its Absurdity
Navigating the End Times Without the Bible: Yes, It Can Be Done
The Real End Times: Why Israel is Irrelevant
No Antichrist in the End Times: Can it really be true?
Your End Times Faith Crisis: Staying Aligned with a Scary God
Christian Prophets Explain the Mechanics of Prophecy: Don’t Just Believe What We Say
Identifying False Prophecy About the End Times

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