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There are many souls who are erroneously taught that God views them like a despicable worm who He would sooner spit on than embrace. This is an outrageous lie, of course, but when we accept lies as truth they gain great power over us. Once we believe that we are super horrific sinners who God is extra repulsed by, we find ourselves in one of two positions: we either take pride in our ultra-evil state, or we deeply mourn the loss of God’s affection and wish that there was some way we could get right in His eyes. The second option is by far the better one, and we get there by recognizing that the Holy Spirit is still calling us to come to Him.
How do we know when God still wants us? As long as we can find some spark of yearning for God somewhere within our beings, God is still holding the door open between us and Him. The desire for God comes from God, and He only stirs up this desire in us when He is still willing to accept us.
God dearly loves every soul that He creates. The depraved lusts of our flesh don’t deter Him in the slightest. It is only our willful rejection of Him which causes God to eternally shun us. As long as some part of us sincerely wishes we could be accepted by God, we are not rejecting Him, and He is calling us to complete our submission to Him.
Submitting to God has nothing to do with fixing our own depravity. We have no control over the desires of our flesh, and we have no way to become morally perfect. Your soul is what God is after, not your flesh. Your soul’s response to God is the only thing you will be judged by in eternity. You either sincerely care about pleasing Him or you don’t. You either agree with His definitions of right and wrong or you don’t. As long as you want to be approved of by God, that approval is well within your grasp. When we’re caught in the worm mentality, our greatest obstacle to receiving God’s approval is the fact that we don’t understand how easy He is to please.
As long as we are putting our faith in the lies that we are unwanted and loathed by God, we are going to keep rejecting His truth. The first step to recovery is to let go of the prideful delusion that we have an accurate grasp of truth. Truth cannot be defined by what feels right or by what sounds logical. Only God knows the truth, and many of His truths seem very upsetting and illogical to us when we are first exposed to them.
There’s nothing comfortable about accepting God’s deep love for you when you have spent a long time viewing yourself as a despicable worm. When you have had it drilled into you that God is utterly repulsed by you, attempting to believe otherwise is an overwhelming and agonizing experience. Why is this? Because God’s truths are extremely freeing and they satisfy deep core needs which He has given us. It is extremely tormenting to believe that God hates you, yet we humans are adaptable creatures. When we are used to living with torment and that torment is suddenly lifted off of us for even a brief second of time, the shock of the change is very traumatic. It’s rather like having a crushing boulder lifted off of your rib cage. Having the thing on top of you was an intense misery, but having it lifted off awakens your nervous system, and allows an increase of circulation that sends overwhelming signals of pain to your brain. When we are confronted with the truth of God’s desire for us, it seems entirely too good to be true and threateningly foreign. Our automatic response is to push that truth away from us in order to return to what is familiar, even though the familiar is miserable. This is a trap which many souls fall into and never come out of. They become content with using the topic of God’s love to trigger an intense emotional rush whenever it suits them, yet they never really embrace that truth on a soul level and allow it to free them. This is not where you want to stay stuck.
When we are stuck in the worm mentality, breaking free seems impossible to do at first. Where are we supposed to get the resources we need to so completely change our view of ourselves? We get them from God. It is the Holy Spirit who will correct our perception of ourselves and bring it into alignment with His, and He’ll do it one step at a time. While God is famous for instant cures and miraculous reversals, He usually prefers to free us of our bondage in stages. This means that if it’s taking you a long time to get a grip on the fact that God has any sincere desire for you, you’re not beyond hope, nor are you broken beyond repair. When God takes His time in healing us, it is because He wants us to benefit from making the journey with Him. Miracle cures are like instantly being teleported to your destination on the other side of the globe. It’s very convenient, but there’s no opportunity to commune with a travel partner along the way. The quality of your relationship with God is far more important to Him than fixing all of your misconceptions about Him. Even on things which seem critical to making any kind of advancement—such as grasping God’s love for you—there are many surprising benefits to having God drag out the education process.
“God, help me to see myself through Your eyes,” is the prayer that will lead us to freedom when we are stuck in the worm mentality. When we are willing to have our core beliefs changed by God and when we are willing to accept that our current perceptions of ourselves might be flawed, we advance. When we close our minds to change and we stay content to wallow in our own wretchedness, we end up stuck and stagnating. God loves EVERY soul that He creates. He designed each one of us to be very attractive to Him. So when we speak of humans being intrinsically unlovable or unwanted by God, we are speaking sheer idiocy. When we try to argue that God would ever create something which He does not want, or which He does not find desirable, we are only showing the extent of our own foolishness. No one coerced God into creating you. You exist because He wants you to be. You are not a flaw, you are not a mistake, and you are not some piece of trash. You are dearly loved, but only God can make this truth ring as valid in your own soul. Ask Him to show you HIS truth on the matter of your existence. Give HIM the chance to define how He feels about you instead of just taking the word of other people. When we sincerely want to know the truth, God will reveal it to us, and the truth about how He views you is far better than you think.
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