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Some women are born to lead. When they get in any group situation, they instinctively assume the alpha position: giving the orders, claiming the highest authority, and exuding domination. If this is you, then you’re who we’re talking to in this post.
Now if God has created you to be an alpha, you probably recoil at the thought of submitting to anyone. To you, submission means quietly following, acting passive, and holding back. None of these things are you. You don’t follow, you lead. You aren’t quiet, you’re loud. You don’t hold back, you charge ahead. If you tried to sit on yourself enough to come across as passive, you’d probably explode. There are many men and women in the Church today who will try to make you feel bad for being an alpha woman. But God doesn’t see this as a bad thing at all. God likes His alpha women, and He always makes sure He has some around for when the alpha men fall down in their duties. God has used alpha women to save the day on countless occasions throughout history. God loves variety, and you’re like a pungent spice: a little of you goes a long way, but your presence adds so much to the group that things seem terribly dull without you. Don’t let anyone convince you that being an alpha woman is a flaw. It’s not a flaw, it’s a beautiful part of your design. You’re like a wild stallion in a field: full of fiery determination and independent drive. You don’t need other people to affirm your decisions for you because you know your own mind. You’re not afraid to go against norms and take on new challenges. You are brimming with potential and God has glorious plans for you.
Now for a wild stallion to be useful, it must learn to submit to a human trainer. In the same way, you also need to learn submission if all your energy and passion is going to be funneled in the right direction. But here’s the important bit: the target of your submission is God, not men. As an alpha, you are wired to dominate other humans. Submitting to them just isn’t how your brain works, and if you try to pull these skills out of the air, it’s going to be a train wreck. You’ll end up feeling suffocated and depressed, and your efforts to submit will only end up making you hate the person you’re submitting to. Why? Because in your mind the whole thing is stupid. Submitting to a human just because of their gender doesn’t make any sense. You don’t think men are superior to you, in fact, you’ve met many men who you really don’t respect because they seem too spineless. You admire strength. But too much strength leads to conflict, which is why you are best suited to marry a non-alpha man. A man who is happy to let you lead is a far better match than a man who wants to lead as much as you do. When two alphas try to get together and function as equals, the result can be an endless battle for rank. You want harmony in your marriage, not constant bickering, so you’re better with a man who doesn’t mind you taking the lead in most areas. But the day is still going to come when the man’s instincts are better than yours, or when God wants you to let your husband have his way in something. In these moments, if you try to base your motivation for submitting on the fact that your husband is a male and on a handful of annoying verses in the New Testament, you won’t get very far. The only way for you to see submission as a positive thing is if the one you’re submitting to is far more glorious than you are. Then your submission will be sincere, and then you’ll be able to put your whole heart into it.
Your three glorious Creators are the only Ones who qualify as being worthy of total submission. It was never Their intention for you to submit to other humans to the degree that you submit to Them (see Boundaries in Marriage: Inappropriate Submission). You need to see your Gods as the only Ones you will submit to in life, but then you need to submit to Them 100%. No holding back, no half measures. You need to use that charge ahead temperament of yours to your advantage and give your Creators everything you have, asking Them to have Their total way in your life and asking Them to make pleasing Them your greatest passion. Then you’ll no longer have to worry about this whole godly submission in marriage package, because it will be taken care of. When God asks you to let your husband have his way in something, you’ll be glad to do it out of loyalty to your King. A proper submission mindset will fill you with inspiring motivations. Pleasing God, honoring God, showing your loyalty to Him: these are goals you can get into.
Contrary to what many people think, alphas love to please, but they aren’t motivated by the same rewards. Pleasing people and preserving harmony in groups just doesn’t do it for them. Alphas aren’t built to be peace keepers and diplomats, they are built to be warriors who will gladly cause division and strife in order to accomplish important goals. They need their reward to come down from someone higher ranking than themselves, and since they rarely feel outranked in social groups, this isn’t easy to arrange. But God is the supreme Commander–He is the exalted King who no one can ever come close to dethroning. This makes His commendation priceless. Pleasing God and being rewarded by Him–that’s motivating for an alpha woman.
God loves His alphas and He knows how to talk to them in ways that inspire their souls. He is never going to tell you to sit down and shut up. He isn’t going to tell you that you need to be less. That’s how humans talk because humans are threatened by your natural fire and they’re always trying to find some way to douse it. But God loves your fire and instead of telling you to stop blazing, He’s going to teach you how to blaze at the right moments. There are times for charging in and times for strategically holding back. It’s never about trying to morph into some shrinking violet who views herself as the inferior gender. No one is inferior in God’s Kingdom. We are all of great value to Him, and we all have designated roles that He has equipped us to thrive in. Don’t let bad teaching in the Church convince you that God has no use for strong-willed, alpha women. He most certainly does. If God had wanted you to be some quiet, shy little thing, then that’s how He would have made you. But instead He made you a wild stallion: eagerly pawing the ground, always ready to charge into the fray, and brimming with courageous confidence. Surrender yourself entirely into God’s hands and ask Him to make you all that He wants you to be. But don’t ask Him to make you less than an alpha woman, because that is one request He just isn’t going to grant.