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Under the New Covenant, God commands us not to kill, but when you’re a soldier in the military, society says that suddenly it’s alright to murder people whenever your C.O. tells you to. The problem with this system is that your C.O. is taking orders from his C.O., who is taking orders from his C.O. and on and on we go until we reach the top. At the top of most weapon carrying organizations, we find souls who have completely sold out to Satan and they are now using rank as an excuse to shove his agenda on everyone else. As a lower ranking soldier, you quickly get caught in what feels like an intense moral dilemma. Disobeying direct orders is presented as a non-option in the military. After all, if people started defying rank, chaos would soon follow. So when your superior says to do something, you’re supposed to do it. No arguments. No hesitation. No matter what it is.
It’s easy to start out thinking God really is alright with murder as long as it’s in a military context. After all, the Old Testament is filled with stories of God authorizing military commanders like Joshua and King David to slaughter people. The problem today is that we’re not following the Divinely inspired orders of God-fearing men. We’re following corrupt, evil men who think it’s alright to murder and brutalize others in order to steal their resources or terrorize their government. Most of our military strategies today are driven by evil agendas. As a soldier, you get caught in the crossfire. One minute, you’re just doing what you’re told. The next minute it suddenly dawns on you that you’ve just violated God’s laws and He isn’t about to say it’s alright just because someone in a uniform egged you on. God is your true Commander-in-Chief and His orders trump everyone’s. God is now telling you that you did NOT have His authorization to do what you did. Even worse, you didn’t bother to ask Him before blundering ahead—or if you did, you were too much of a coward to honor Him in front of your superior. Now people are dead and it’s all your fault. Unfortunately, guns don’t unfire. Thanks to you, a negative ripple effect of despair and pain is now shattering through the lives of everyone connected with the people you’ve killed. Now what? You can’t undo the past, nor can you replace the lives that you’ve taken. “Well, you could try,” Satan will suggest. “You could kill yourself just to prove how sorry you are.” We can always count on Satan to kick us when we’re down.
Now then, how can we get your mind out of the trenches of guilt and despair? Refocusing it on truth is the first step. You are a Christian. Let’s remember what that means: ALL of your sins have been COMPLETELY atoned for by Christ. Yes, that includes murder. It’s paid for, it’s over. There is no new debt on your account with God because of what you’ve done. He saw it all and paid for it all 2,000 years ago. So is God in Heaven right now looking down at you with disgust? No, He is not. God is a fair Businessman: He doesn’t charge people twice for the same debt of sin and Jesus has already cleared your account. It’s Satan who wants you to think you have to grovel and apologize and beg for forgiveness fifty billion times. It’s Satan who wants you to believe your righteous standing with God is a delicate, quivering thing that will collapse like a house of cards the moment you mess up. But of course Satan always lies. Your righteous standing with God is like Jesus’ death on a cross: it is an unchangeable fact which cannot be altered or undone.
So why is God on your case if He’s not totally disgusted with you? No doubt what you’re experiencing is 100% condemnation from Hell. Originally, you did experience a moment of true conviction when God first pointed out the mistake you made, but by now that’s long over. By now all that’s left is Satan trying to imitate the Holy Spirit, and he does come up with some pretty clever impersonations. The key to seeing through his tricks is to understand how conviction works.
Understanding God’s motivation is critical to identifying true conviction. God wants you to grow and mature in your walk with Him. He is jealously guarding your soul’s bond with Him at all times and when He sees you straying out of His will, He’s naturally going to grab your arm and pull you back in the right direction. You’ve obviously responded well to His conviction or you wouldn’t still feel bad about it. Satan can only use the shame tactic on Christians who truly care about pleasing God. Those who don’t care are immune to guilt trips.
You need to learn to recognize when your soul is aligned with God. The very fact that you’re anxious about your relationship with God being damaged just proves how important it is to you. Nothing makes God more pleased than a heart that cherishes Him. Obviously your heart does. This makes Him VERY happy—so happy that it makes Satan sick and he is now desperately trying to block you from grasping just how aligned with God you are.
Let’s be clear on the issue of alignment. The very second your soul agreed with God that you acted against His will and you regretted it, you were back in alignment with Him. In fact, unless you’ve been intentionally rebelling against God’s convictions, you’ve never been out of alignment with Him. For His own reasons, God does NOT always reveal the error of our ways in time for us to course correct. For example, many Christian women have been brainwashed by their cultures into thinking that abortion was morally acceptable. Many of these women got abortions WITHOUT ever hearing God explain to them how wrong it is until it was TOO LATE. Is God now going to condemn these souls for not acting on conviction that they honestly DID NOT HAVE? Of course not, God is fair. So also with you, if you killed people under orders without sensing any conviction about it until afterwards, God is NOT going to accuse you of intentionally rebelling against Him because He knows that is not what you did. Satan, however, hates your personal guts and will try to accuse you of anything he can get away with. But regardless of what Satan says, the only question that matters is this: Do you want to be pleasing to God RIGHT NOW? If the answer is yes, then you are all set. There is NOTHING on your conscience which is being put there by the Holy Spirit. Any ongoing guilt and shame you feel is coming straight from demons.
So then, someone is dead because of you. That feels heavy, and it also feels like a crisis has been created that you are supposed to now do something to fix. Here’s where you must proceed with caution, because Satan is going to bombard you with a whole bunch of false orders. If he can, he’ll try to talk you into killing yourself, because you’re seriously annoying him on this earth. It’s always better for Satan if Christians are dead, unless they’re being such rebellious twerps that they’re giving Christ a bad name. But Christians like you who feel sick at the idea of God being displeased—well, you’re just too dangerous to keep around. You’re like a land mine that can explode in Satan’s face any minute. He can’t afford to have you sit here contemplating the grace of God and how delighted He is that you care so much about His opinion. No, it’s far better for Satan’s army if you just leave, so he’s going to seize any opportunity he can to shove the suicide thing on you and quote that “life for life” verse that has zero bearing on your situation. If God wants you to die for your crime, He doesn’t need any assistance to kill you. But since you’re still very much alive and reading this post, He clearly wants you here on this earth. This shouldn’t surprise you for God isn’t long on Christians who will get this upset over displeasing Him. You’re one of the special few and He’s naturally going to want to keep your bright light shining in this dark world as long as possible.
The critical word for you right now is discernment. If God ever wants you to do something to make some kind of amends for the lives you’ve taken, He will give you CLEAR, SPECIFIC, DOABLE instructions and He will go WITH YOU in carrying them out. Any suggestion that enters your mind as something you need to do by yourself in order to get back in God’s favor is total garbage. Any suggestion that involves harming yourself or trying to introduce some new kind of suffering in your life is from demons. Satan is the one who comes up with rot like, “You have no right to be happy while those widows are in mourning.” Just because your actions have caused others to be in pain does not mean that it is now illegal for you to have a good day. God is future focused: He has good plans for you on this earth that He wants you to embrace. He wants to lead you into deeper levels of joy, confidence and peace. Satan, on the other hand, wants you to obsess over the past. He wants you to keep mentally replaying what you did 24 hours a day and he wants to fill your mind with dramatic images of people suffering because of what you’ve done. Let’s be clear: everything that makes you feel gross, ashamed, and dirty is straight from demons. God is SO over your sin—remember your account was cleared by Jesus. Also, any pain you’ve brought into the lives of others is pain that God WANTS to be there. Let’s think about that last point some more.
Here’s a very comforting fact: you can’t mess up God’s good plans for someone else, no matter how rebellious you are. God is clear in His Word that man makes plans, but it is GOD who controls his steps. This means no one does anything to anyone down here without God’s approval. So while God is going to convict you for killing someone without His approval because He cares about you staying in step with Him, He also wanted that person you killed to die the moment you killed them. Before we are born, God has already decided when and how we will exit this earth. Some of us are going to be gunned down by someone else when our time down here is up. Though you erred by rushing ahead of God and viewing human beings as having greater authority than He does, at the same time you haven’t gotten in God’s way because no one ever gets in His way. The real issue God had with you was your heart not being focused enough on Him. That issue has now been corrected because you were so quick to repent when He spoke to you. So now not only is everything good between you and God, but He has also used your actions to further His plans in the lives others.
At any given moment in time, God wants some people healthy, some people sick, and some people dead. He wants some people rich and others poor. He wants some rejoicing and others mourning. Think about how many important lessons you’ve learned in life through suffering. God teaches all of us through suffering. Sometimes intense pain is the only thing that will blast us out of a state of stubborn rebellion. Other times, God will bring crippling loss into the lives of souls He is quite pleased with—like Job, who lost all of his children in one moment—in order to push them onto the next level of maturity. The point is that with God, no sin is wasted. No mistake is beyond the reach of His redeeming power.
You must realize how your situation looks from God’s perspective. Everything is quite under control. He is using your actions to further His work in the lives of everyone who has been affected by the deaths you caused. And you didn’t kill anyone before their time because God alone controls life and death. No one leaves this planet until He wants them to—we only think they do because we have preconceived notions about how long people are supposed to live. So then, while you had your priorities confused for a brief period of time, God used you to accomplish His good purposes. Remember David and Bathsheba? David was wrong to steal Bathsheba and he was wrong to try and kill her husband, Uriah, by having him be deserted in battle. But Uriah only died because God wanted him to, not because David trumped God’s will. God wanted Uriah dead so that Bathsheba would marry David and have a second son named Solomon who would end up being the next king. When God says He works ALL things together for our spiritual best, He isn’t exaggerating. Our King is a multitasking Genius who is never caught off guard by the actions of humans. It’s important that you realize just how in control God really is, for when you do, Satan will be forced to give up his current shame campaign.
What is there for you to feel awful about if God is pleased with your heart attitude towards Him, your sins are atoned for, and God is using even your mistakes to further His good plan in the lives of others? When you really get a mental grip on truth, Satan runs out of ammo. GOD is pleased with YOU simply because you sincerely care about pleasing Him. How awesome is that? And what a relief it is to know that God is taking care of all the people you’ve accidentally hurt. He can certainly take better care of them than you ever can, which is why you shouldn’t try to get involved unless He specifically invites you to. God so doesn’t need your help to redeem your mistakes and He doesn’t want you to go trying to fill shoes that are too big for you. Let God be God while you remain the frail soul who is totally dependent on Him for everything.
We ALL make mistakes. We ALL sin and shatter the lives of others with our words and actions. You fire a gun, I say some cutting comment, and we both end up crushing people. If God wasn’t bigger than our mistakes, neither one of us would have any hope at all. But He IS bigger. Not only that, but He enjoys redeeming our mistakes and bringing good out of evil. Our God is awesome and He is madly in love with us. He makes it so easy to please Him and He never harps on the past. Did I mention how thrilled God is that you care so much about being right with Him? THAT is what you need to focus on in this moment, not on ancient history. God has great plans for your life. He has exciting opportunities waiting for you and a future packed with pleasant surprises. Your marching orders are to focus on Him alone and not let the enemy psych you out. God is only letting you be this harassed because He knows He has given you enough strength to persevere. Satan is trying to tear you down, but God will use his schemes to make you stronger and bolder than ever. You are God’s kid. You are the one He chose and specifically called out to be by His side for eternity. No one can take that away from you, least of all some pathetic demon who is holding a one way ticket to the lake of fire.
God never makes mistakes, and He never regrets saving any of us. Because you care about pleasing Him and sincerely want to be in alignment with Him, He is very pleased with you and He is bragging about you in the spiritual realms. Think about that instead of thinking about the lives of other humans. God is taking care of all of them. He’d much rather you focus on Him and embrace the deep soul peace that He is eager to give you.
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Help For Murderers: Finding Peace With A God Who Loves You